Saturday, November 14, 2015

Fragility

I live in an almost constant state of fractured awareness 
My sadness and lonely heart my only company
And tonight like many other nights I am up with my thoughts. My only companions sitting on my bed watching my tears 
Waiting for them to well in the corners of my eyes and fall
Searing pathways from my lashes
And burning their way to stain my pillowcase
I take showers at night.
To soothe an aching soul. To have water wash away insecurities
To drench sweat stained lies
And to drown out loud screams from an injured spirit 
My sense of self is keen. So sharply drawn that looking at myself gives me a headache
My belly hurts
And every time I walk past a mirror I retch under stressed duress. 
Vomit bile, gag on seeming truth sand deal with the very real limitations of a broken soul. 
I live in shatters. Walking on the shards left of my soul needing to move forward. Because I have been told I can't stand still. But walking hurts. Living hurts. And every single day there is more of me left behind on these sharp angry tatters.
I live for the sinews
For the muscles and bones
For the torn away 
...for the half mended
For the hollow laugh
And the heavy tears 

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